Father's Day thoughts

It's Father's Day, 2010. My Facebook is full of friends wishing us all a happy day, my phone conversations end with friends telling me to have a happy day and the whole world seems to be celebrating the patriarch of their families.

My dad passed away 33 years ago, when I was a teenager. I had never lived with the man, as he left the house while my mother was in the hospital with me. I never even met the man until I was 5 or 6 years old. I only saw him a few times in my life, the last as he was in a hospital bed losing his battle with Cancer. When my Memere (Grandmother for those non-French)called me to tell me he passed, I thanked her for the call and asked if she was alright. She said she was, and she would call with the arrangements later.

Then it happened. For no conscious reason, after I hung up the phone, I let out a single, primal scream. No tears, just a scream. To this day, I can only speculate as to the cause.

I served as a Pall Bearer for my dad. It wasn't until I watched the casket being lowered into the ground that a tear trickled down my cheek. I think that this was the moment I realized that, whatever this man had been in his life, and regardless of the fact that he was not involved in my life, it was he who gave me that life. For that fact alone, I felt sorrow. Did I mention he passed away the weekend of Father's day? It forever changed my view of the holiday.

I grew older and had two sons of my own. My wife and I divorced when the boys were the same age I was when my dad passed away. I sometimes think it's uncanny the synchronicity life can hand you. This morning, I got a call from my oldest wishing me a Happy Father's day. Haven't heard from my youngest yet, and, quite frankly, I don't expect to. Apparently, my fatherly behavior wasn't up to his standards. I guess I couldn't help that if it's true, because I never had a good fatherly role model to guide me. I kind of had to make it up as I went along.

Father's Day, 2010. In the grand scheme of things, it's just another day on the calender. But it is a day to remember those who gave us life.

Happy Father's Day Dad. I'm thinking about you today.

Take care my friends.