Time to Move On

In January of 2013, I entered into a relationship with a woman. In all fairness to her, I discouraged the developing of any serious feelings. That doesn't work however because the feelings show up when they want to. It was becoming obvious to me that she was developing feelings along the way, and, truth be told, so was I. And it scared me. She started withdrawing from me, and I let it happen. Then one day on Facebook I see that she is another relationship with someone else. Her and I had agreed to be exclusive, so I felt betrayed. I called her and was told that the man, after only two dates, had posted that without her knowledge. That is a big red flag demonstrating 1) a total lack of respect for the woman 2) a large degree of immaturity and 3) a sign of deep emotional troubles. One woman I mentioned this to said "He's a psycho. Tell your friend to run." Others weren't as vehement, but the thread of mental issues ran through all their comments.

My ex-girlfriend is a very bright, educated woman. I asked her where we went wrong and she told me it was because I didn't express my emotions. She was right. So I expressed them for her in text, phone calls, poetry and even a song. Nothing. I have a couple of very intelligent women who are friends of mine, and they both have a wealth of knowledge when it comes to human behaviors. Both asked me about my ex's earlier relationships. I said that she had multiple relationships with abusive drunks. They asked if her new boyfriend drank. I looked at his Facebook page, and every post was stating that he was at a bar, or a restaurant with a bar. Then they asked me if he was violent. I said a friend contacted me who had worked with him and he sent me a link to an article relating the story of the boyfriend's arrest for Assault with a Dangerous Weapon, and Intimidating a witness, which means this wasn't the first case he's involved in. So the answer is yes, he's violent. Then both of my friends dropped the same bombshell on me. My ex-girlfriend is the problem.

They explained to me that some woman have a pathological need to be abused. Something in their background makes them confuse abusive behavior with love. And when they leave one relationship with an abuser, they latch onto the next one. It's a vicious cycle for them. Both my friends told me the same thing. You're too good for her. You're not an abusive drunk.

My intelligence tells me they're right. And I can probably list ten reasons why I shouldn't be with her. But a part of me still loves her, although that part dwindles more every day. I feel like I'm watching a friend standing on the railroad tracks, and the train is coming, but they won't listen to my warnings. I feel so helpless. But the bible says the good Lord helps those who help themselves, and she doesn't. She just keeps putting herself in bad situations. You know, when a woman has a history of making bad choices and she chooses someone else over you, she has paid you a compliment. I don't know if I'm too good for her, but I know I treated her very well. Apparently that isn't what she wants. She wants a guy who drinks, get abusive with her animals, brags constantly on Facebook about what bar he's bringing her to tonight and then brags to his co-workers on Monday about things that never happened. That's how dangerous predators work...they say and do the things the woman wants to lure her into their web. Once she is ensconced in the relationship, the abuse starts.

My ex either doesn't see this, or worse yet, it's what she wants. That is tragically sad.

I am literally ill over this situation, but I can't put myself through this anymore. No matter how much love I feel for her, I have to get her out of my life.I can't be around self-destructive people, and everything her recent behavior tells me is that she is one. I hope and pray nothing bad happens to her, but I know it will. Unless she chooses to stop this vicious cycle. And when she wants a loyal, devoted, caring, respectful and loving man in her life, well, maybe I'll be available. Unless some really smart woman comes along and makes the lightning strike me....

Try to help your friends. But it's not your fault if they won't accept it. And take care.